“Dark Night of the Soul”, otherwise known as “Dark Night” is a poem written by the 16th Century Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross. He writes of the journey of the soul from isolation to its union with God. The journey itself is “The Dark Night”, darkness representing the difficulties the soul meets in detachment from the world before reaching the light. Once the soul touches the light, union with the divine takes place and the person is transformed.
Loreena McKennitt has a beautiful rendition of it in song. You can watch her here.
A dark night of the soul has come to mean a spiritual crisis when life has lost its meaning and the person has sunk into depression and despair.
Some people experience many dark nights of the soul while others may have a prolonged one lasting many years.
I myself have had many dark nights starting at age 13. Puberty is a difficult time for most of us. In my case, my friends had drifted away and gravitated to new groups. I was alone, desperately alone.
Making new friends was difficult because I was an extreme introvert. I didn’t know what to say because I never could do the whole chit-chat thing. I still can’t. It is simply not part of my personality. Deep conversations interest me more.
Back in the summer when I was 13, I was lonely for companionship. My depression had reached the point where the only thing I could think of was suicide to end the misery.
My only solace was Led Zeppelin‘s Physical Graffiti double album which I had received as a present for my birthday. I had asked for the album that had Stairway to Heaven on it but it was April 1975 and Physical Graffiti had just come out 2 months before. That was the only Zeppelin album in stock at the local department store.
Back in the pre-internet age, information like names of albums and where you could purchase them was not readily available for a young teenager.
If you grew up with the internet, you might not be able to fathom not having all the information you need at your fingertips. But back then, the main use for your forefinger was to dial the phone. It was actually fun to leave your finger in the cutout circle of the dial and let it move back on the return rewind. At least I enjoyed it. But now, having arthritic fingers, I am grateful for technology.
This was also the time before the popularity of antidepressants when depression was not talked about. When I finally told my mom that I was suffering from it in 1989, her response was to deny there was anything wrong with me. The stigma of depression was still strong, even with the introduction of the drug Prozac.
Back to Physical Graffiti, it literally saved my life. The song Kashmir stirred forgotten memories of sitting with elders of a gentle race, which in my imagination actually happened.
10 Years Gone reminded me that “We are eagles of one nest, the nest is in our soul.”
But it was In the Light that saved me. I would listen to it repeatedly under headphones on my older brother’s stereo.
To me, the beginning of In the Light feels what a sunrise would sound like. It gave me hope. The ending is pure exhilaration.
One of the lyrics puzzled me. What I thought I heard was: I would share your love. What Robert Plant actually sang was: I would share your load. It makes quite a difference.
One of the lyrics that I really identified with is:
And if you feel that you can’t go on
And your will’s sinkin’ low
Just believe and you can’t go wrong
In the light, you will find the road (You will find the road)
I would close my eyes and envisioned I was standing in the light. It felt uplifting on one level. On another, felt I was connecting to something more. Something I could not grasp, a notion that felt just out of reach.
I realize now that listening to the song back then was an integral part of the larger story of my life. That getting through that difficult time enabled me to write about it and share it with you now.
There is a deeper, more mystical revelation that came out of this. I will go into further detail at another time.
The road in the song reminded me of J.R.R. Tolkien. If you haven’t read them yet, I wrote a few posts about him here and here. There is more forthcoming also.
Many of Led Zeppelin’s lyrics contain Tolkien references. The author has several passages in The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings that feature the Road. Here is one:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
I read that verse often, thinking that I needed to hold on and continue down that road not knowing where it would go, but perhaps somewhere where I needed to be.
Are you suffering from the Dark Night of the Soul right now? If so, you can get through it. You must believe that you can and you will. You will find the road.
It needn’t be through Tolkien or Led Zeppelin but what calls out to your soul.
Music heals. Stories help us to see ourselves in them.
Listen. Read. Sing. Dance.
Go out in nature.
Play.
Do something that you love,
something that uplifts your soul
and connects you with the divine within you.
Lighten the load of depression and despair. Find the way that lightens yours. As Robert Plant sang: Everybody needs the light.
You will get through it. You must have the determination and resolve to do so. Believe that you can and you will.
Often in the spiritual awakening process, a dark night of the soul precedes a breakthrough. Remember, the night is darkest just before the dawn.
Always,
Alice Always
P.S. This blog post features Invictus, an empowering poem that might help you through the Dark Night of the Soul.